Almost every couple getting married in the UK would rather have money than another set of glasses, and almost every guest knows it. What nobody tells you is how much, so you end up guessing, usually somewhere between what you can afford and what you think the person next to you is giving.
This is the honest version. No single correct number exists, because the right amount depends on things no guide can see from the outside. What does exist is a range most people land in, and a short list of things that should genuinely move you within it.
The short answer
Most UK wedding guests give between £50 and £100 per person. Close family often give more. Guests who have travelled a long way, paid for a hotel, or bought outfits for a wedding party frequently give less, and no reasonable couple minds.
If you want one number and nothing else: £50 a head from a friend, £100 a head from close family, and less without apology if getting there cost you.
What should actually change your number
In rough order of how much they matter.
How close you are
This is the biggest factor and the most obvious. A sibling or a parent is not in the same bracket as a colleague you like. If you are in the wedding party you are usually already spending on an outfit, a stag or hen weekend, and sometimes accommodation, and that spending counts.
What it cost you to be there
A destination wedding, or one that needs two nights in a hotel, has already taken a significant gift out of your pocket. Couples who choose a wedding that is expensive to attend understand this. Giving less in that situation is normal, not stingy.
Whether you are giving as a couple or a household
Figures are usually quoted per person. Two of you attending together will typically give one combined gift rather than two separate ones, and that combined figure is generally less than double what one of you would have given alone.
Whether there is a group gift
If a group of friends is pooling for something specific, join it and stop calculating. Group gifts are usually better value for the couple and remove the comparison problem entirely.
What you can comfortably afford
Last on the list and first in importance. Nobody who loves you wants your wedding gift to be a problem for you. Giving beyond your means to avoid an imagined judgement is the most common mistake at weddings and the one nobody ever notices except you.
Rough ranges, if you want a table
These are observed conventions, not rules. Treat them as a starting point you adjust using everything above.
| Who you are | Typical per person | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Colleague or acquaintance | £30 to £50 | A card and a modest amount is completely normal |
| Friend | £50 to £80 | The most common bracket by some distance |
| Close friend | £75 to £120 | Often given as a joint gift with a partner |
| Close family | £100 to £250 | Varies enormously by family and culture |
| Parents of the couple | No useful average | Usually a separate conversation entirely |
| Travelled far or stayed over | Reduce freely | Your costs are part of your gift |
Does the venue change what you should give?
You will see advice saying you should cover the cost of your plate. Ignore it. It is an American convention that has drifted into UK wedding blogs, and it quietly punishes guests of couples who chose a nicer venue, which is the opposite of how hospitality works.
You were invited because they wanted you there. The catering is their decision and their budget, not an invoice issued to you on arrival.
Is giving money instead of a present rude?
No, and it has not been for a long time. Most UK couples now live together before marrying, so the traditional purpose of the wedding list, equipping a first home from nothing, mostly no longer applies. Many couples explicitly ask for contributions to a honeymoon, a deposit or a home project.
What can feel rude is not the money, but how it arrives. That is a different problem and a solvable one.
How to actually give it
There are three normal options in the UK and they are not equally good.
- Cash in a card, handed over on the day. Warm and traditional, but wedding venues lose envelopes with some regularity, and the couple has to keep track of a pile of them while getting married.
- A bank transfer. Safe and easy, and it arrives in their banking app looking identical to a utility bill. Several guests transferring on the same day produces a list of names and amounts, which is the least romantic document at any wedding.
- A gift list contribution, where the couple has set one up. Good when it exists, though it often carries a fee and limits what the money can be used for.
The gap in that list is obvious once you see it. There is no normal way to give money that keeps the card, the message and the occasion attached to it, which is the whole reason a card exists in the first place.
BloomVest was built for exactly this gap. You pick an illustrated card, write your own message, and the money goes straight to the couple's own bank account when they open it. Nothing to lose on the day, and nothing to interpret in a banking app.
A few quick answers
Do you still give a gift if you cannot attend?
If you are close to them, yes, and usually a smaller amount than you would have given in person. If you barely know them, a card is enough and always has been.
Is it odd to give an unusual number?
Not at all in most of the UK. Some cultures do attach meaning to specific figures, so if that applies in the couple's family it is worth a quiet word with someone who knows.
When should the money arrive?
Any time from a week before the wedding to a few weeks after is normal. Sending it slightly early is quietly thoughtful, because it means one less thing to carry and track on the day itself.
Do you write the amount in the card?
No. Never write the figure, and do not apologise for it either. More on that in the guide below.